I just joined a group on social called “A Nurtured Child”. I am in a space of wanting to be more gentle with my son, a naturally born leader. I previously indulged in the book, Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child, when I was in a pretty desperate place. I also learned that everything has a season. The need for a direct approach as outlined in this book was no longer appropriate right now at his strong yet tender age of 5.
It was time to evolve my approach to better match his needs now that we are living beyond the more hectic toddler years. So, I joined the nurtured child group to see what it was about. I wanted to soften my approach. In general, as women, wives, moms, and leaders aren’t we all pressured to soften at some point? It is up to us to know when it is for the better, and when we are being asked to accommodate. Maybe we’re accommodating others’ insecurities, or their preferences, or their created work culture.
Many times we are being asked to assimilate. To that end, making the decision of how and when to soften requires reflection. It requires discernment. We all have a point where we need to decide if what we are doing is beneficial. It’s time to get really objective about it. Keep in mind things are not black and white. You don’t have to offer everyone access to your full personality, all your gifts, and certainly not to your heart. But we are responsible for moving in an emotionally intelligent way. Move in a way that keeps your vibe genuine and allows you to remain at peace internally. Anything else affects our mental health that ultimately shows up in the physical.
Is what you’re doing every day beneficial? Are you getting the results you want? Where you are stuck, what can you do differently? Can you abandon thoughts that change is bad and honor that change is growth? Can you stop responding in a way that people expect you to respond at the expense of your own evolved vibe and reputation?
So, I was ready to change how I navigate work and life, including my parenting. I tried what I read in the group. My strategy was supposed to be this: The next time my son was resisting, I would not focus on broken boundaries and negative behavior, I would acknowledge his feelings. I would say that he seemed upset then ask if he needed a hug. I honestly knew this was a bunch of fluff and hippie parenting that was not going to work for me.
But, I tried it. And oh my goodness, it worked. He came and gave me a hug. The battle ended. He was still upset, but he complied with what I was asking him to do as his mom. The drama ceased. This one group on social has changed my parenting within the first 7 days of being a member. Social has its benefits. Cultivate an environment on and offline that help you grow for the better. Be the person you want to be, not the person others expect you to be at your own expense. Try to do something differently today.